Friday, May 12, 2006

For graduate students everywhere

Hee. Found a bit of gem when I was clearing out my email at work (we're migrating from Groupwise to Outlook.... No this does not fill me with glee)

Anyway.

This site still makes me laugh, and the extract below is always amusing (no I won't say how many of these phrases cropped up in my own academic mitherings)

Linguistics for Academicians and Fellow Travelers
The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper anywhere!

"It has long been known"... I didn't look up the original reference.

"A definite trend is evident"... These data are practically meaningless.

"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study"... The other results didn't make any sense.

"Typical results are shown"... This is the prettiest graph.

"These results will be in a subsequent report"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"In my experience"... once.

"In case after case"... twice.

"In a series of cases"... thrice.

"It is believed that"... I think.

"It is generally believed that"... A couple of others think so, too.

"Correct within an order of magnitude"... Wrong.

"According to statistical analysis"... Rumor has it.

"A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings"... A wild guess.

"A careful analysis of obtainable data"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.

"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"... I don't understand it.

"After additional study by my colleagues"... They don't understand it either.

"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions"... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.

"A highly significant area for exploratory study"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field"... I quit.

2 comments:

HolyhosesRob said...

Excellent!

Rob said...

I seem to remember a similar list from my own student days which included:

"The sample was strained during mounting" - we dropped it on the floor.

"Considerable care was exercised during this procedure" - we didn't drop it on the floor.

Gaudeamus igitur, and a' that.