Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Collected Rosby and Marie material

For the sake of the historical archive, I hereby present the collected lyrical and scenario works of Marie and Rosby respectively (or at least as many as I could locate: I'm pretty sure that a comment by Rosby on Marie's site from Jan 1 2006 is lost in haloscan hell).

Yes, it makes for a long post. But this stuff is too funny to be lost to the mists of time.

Saturday November 19 2005

David Tennant, you're the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
David Tennant, I'm awfully fond of you;
(woh woh, bee doh!)

David Tennant, joy of joys,
When I squeeze you, you make noise!
David Tennant, you're my very best friend, it's true!
(doo doo doo doooo, doo doo)

Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who's
Cute and pink and not chubby

David Tennant, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
David Tennant, I'm awfully fond of you.

Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who's
Cute and pink and not chubby

David Tennant, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
David Tennant, I'm awfully fond of -
David Tennant, I'd like a whole pond of -
David Tennant I'm awfully fond of you!
(doo doo, be doo.)

Monday December 19 2005

Now!!!! Updated with guitar chords for you to play along!!!!

Intro: ( carillon arranged for guitar ) [I have no idea what this means]

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about Queen Lizzie
Doing her speech on TV
G Bm C/E D
I just want him for my own
G Bm C/E D
More than he could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas
Em C D
Is Who

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about Chicago
Shrek or Superman part 3
I don't need to hang my stocking
I will wear it on my knee
Santa Claus and his Invasion's
Coming down the wrong chimney
I just want him for my own
More than he could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is Who
Who (Doctor)

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting,
David Tennant, go go go,
I won't make a list and send it
To the boys at BBC
I won't even stay awake to
Watch soft porn on ITV
'Cause I just want him here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is Who

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of badly-done canned
Laughter fills the air
Bm G
And everyone is singing
I hear that TARDIS spinning
Santa won't you bring me the one
I really need - won't you please
Bring my baby to me

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want young David Tennant
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas
Is Who

All I want for Christmas
Is Who (Doctor)
Is Who (Doctor)

Tuesday 3 January 2006

[The scene - a Pate's bus. Ros is jiggling in her seat as we draw up to Skittles' bus stop. As Sophie comes in and takes her place next to Ros, Ros starts to shout...]

Ros: Sophie! Sophie! Sophie! You know you recorded the Xmas Invasion? Can I borrow it???
Sophie: Um, actually...

Ros: [Eagerly] Yes?

Sophie: [Quietly] I kind of recorded over it.

[Ros stares at her for a few moments, then slowly nods and stares straight ahead. For a few minutes there is complete silence as she stays completely still.]

Sophie: Um...Ros, are you all right?


[She stands up, screaming, and hurtles herself towards the driver's seat. Pushing him out of the way she takes erratic control of the wheel, making the bus swerve left and right violently, whilst everyone on board screams.]

Ros: [Hysterically] If I'm going down without seeing that episode I'M TAKING YOU LOT WITH ME!!!

[She steps on it, and the bus surges forward. Suddenly she lets go of the wheel and lets it take its course. Suddenly, who had been sitting quietly, lunges towards the wheel.]


[Ros looks briefly at the man, then looks again, more closely.]

Ros: Oh my...David...TENNANT???

David: [Yelling amidst the screams and shouts.] Yes, it's me! Listen Ros, you don't have to do this! I've got a copy here, look!

[He holds up a DVD. Ros puts out her hands and takes, eyes shining.]

Ros: This is...actually it??

David: Yes, it's it. Now please STOP!

Ros: [Not looking at the road, but at David.] Oh David, thank you so much! I always knew you were a wonderful, brilliant...

[She says no more, seeing as the bus collides with a lampost.]

Saturday February 18 2006

[The Scene - a dark, smelly room in a warehouse. The room is empty, save for Monty, Marie, Lisa, Kat, Tash, Janine, Sophie, Jack and Elizabeth. They are each tied to a chair with gags in their mouths; writhing furiously to try and get free, shouting through their gags, but to no avail. Suddenly a door bangs open somewhere, and Rosby enters, dragging a chair along with Amy bound to it.]

Rosby: Well, that's the last of them.

[She sets down the struggling Amy and faces everyone, a malicious smile playing on her face.]

My loyal slaves, all at my command. I warned you this would happen! "Comment on my blog!" I wrote, and yet you didn't. And so it has come to this.

Tash: [Struggling violently.] Mmmf pfff ffffff mmmm ffff!

Rosby: [Smiling evilly.] Hmm, had better remove the gag. [She does so.] What did you say?

Tash: [Furiously.] You can't keep us locked up here forever! We've got families! They're going to notice we're gone!

Rosby: Ahhh, I'm afraid you're mistaken there, Miss Evans. For in each of your houses, I have placed decoys where you would usually be, whether it be studying, playing Sims 2, writing a novel, anything. I always knew that my army of Year 7 clones would come in handy...

[She trails off, lost in a reverie. After a moment or two she snaps back to life and smirks.]

But enough monologuing, back to the plan! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what I have achieved...[She starts to walk away but pauses.] I think taking off the gags will increase the impact of this one...

[She takes off each gag. The warehouse suddenly rings with shouts, bellows and screams. Rosby simply smiles beautifically and walks offstage for a minute or two. She comes back wheeling a tall, blue wooden box. Lisa and Marie stop yelling and stare at it, dumbfounded.]

Lisa: that what I think it is?

Rosby: [Patting it affectionately.] The very one. It was a lot of work getting it here, I can tell you. I had to fight off a rampaging Russell T Davies, but I managed it. Here it is. The TARDIS. And... [she opens the door.] ...guess what's inside?

[She gropes inside and pulls out David Tennant, still wearing his Doctor costume, clutching the sonic screwdriver, looking very confused. Marie and Lisa look at him, struck dumb with complete and utter shock.]

Kat: Oh...

Tash: My...

Elizabeth: Bloody...

Lisa & Marie: GOD!!!

David: [Waving nervously.] Hello!

Rosby: The one and only David Tennant. He was even more difficult to get here; without this boy's help... [she briefly pulls Binnie out of the TARDIS, then shoves him back in] ...I wouldn't have been able to brew my anti-Tennant anditode. For twelve hours I am immune to his looks, his charm, his teeth...but you, my dear Marie and Lisa, are not.

Marie: [Scoffing.] What, you seriously think you're going to be able to harm us with...

[Before she can finish, David turns towards her and gives her The Smile. She stops talking abruptly, stares at him with an open mouth, gives a faint choking sound, then faints.]

Lisa: Marie!

[David turns towards her. She looks at him involuntarily, her eyes flick to the screwdriver, she mutters something inaudible and passes out too. Everyone else watches in horror.]

Rosby: And for the others... Barrowman! [She brings him out.] Angelina Jolie! [She pulls her out of the TARDIS.] Max! [She pulls him out too. The respective people faint away. Kat, Tash, Jack and Elizabeth are left.]'s more difficult to do it with you. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll find a -

Jack: [Interrupting.] Rosby...

Rosby: [Irritated.] What?

Jack: Exactly when did you steal David Tennant?

Rosby: Yesterday, at twelve o'clock in the afternoon.

Jack: Right...and when did you take the antidote?

Rosby: At the same time! Wait a second. [She looks at the clock; just after midnight. She gasps.] Oh no...oh no...

[On cue, David faces her and flashes the grin. She gives a gasp and staggers backwards. Kat looks at David and then at Tash in despair.]

Kat: Do we really have to endure this?

Tash: Who cares, it's weakening her!

[Rosby is finding it difficult to stay upright. With a final gasp, she collapses to the floor.]

Rosby: [Muttering.] I'm going to kill Binnie...[she passes out.]

[David stops grinning and starts sheperding the new arrivals back into the TARDIS.]

David: Hurry up, come on, come on, that's it...

Kat: are they all fitting in there? It's really small.

[David gives her a look of utter disdain.]

David: Don't you even WATCH Doctor Who?

Saturday May 6 2006

[THE SCENE - A magazine stand in the street. Marie flicks through a radio times. Suddenly she stops at a picture of Myles and Tennant, her eyes widening...]


[She throws herself at the magazine stand and tears the whole thing down, savagely ripping up copies of the RT.]

Marie: Damn you, Sophia, damn youuuu!!!

[She screams in fury and makes as if to attack again, but suddenly a voice rings out.]

David: Stop!!

[Marie turns, sees David Tennant.]

Marie: Oh...oh...*wow*.

[She faints. David sighs with annoyance.]

David: This is getting fucking ridiculous...

Thursday May 11 2006

Calling out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new beat?
Summer's here and the time is right
For dancing with DT
Dancing in the Tardis
Down in the Eighteenth Century
Up in very bad thrillers

All we need is Daleks, sweet Daleks
There'll be Slitheen everywhere
There'll be werewolves and bat things and Cybermen playing
And dancing with DT

Oh, it doesn't matter what he wears
Just as long as I can ruffle his hair
So come on, every Time Lord grab a girl
Everywhere around the world(s)
There'll be dancing
I'm dancing with DT

This is an invitation
Leave your TV station
This is a chance for us to meet
There'll be casino bosses swinging and northerners singing
And dancing with DT

Cardiff, Wales (Cardiff, Wales)
London and Paisley now (London and Paisley now)
Yeah don't forget the bookshop (can't forget the bookshop)

All we need is Russell, sweet Russell
With his Casanovaries
There'll be cleavage and big wigs and RPJ doing a jig
And dancing with DT, yeah

Oh, it doesn't matter what he wears
Just as long as the specs are there
So come on, every Time Lord grab a girl
Everywhere around the world(s)
There'll be dancing
I'm dancing with DT

Cardiff, Wales (Cardiff, Wales)
London and Paisley now (London and Paisley now)
Yeah don't forget the bookshop (can't forget the bookshop)
All the way down in Blackpool (dancing with DT)
Not to mention court (Lady Chatterley)
Ice Skating (ice dancing with DT)
In a kilt (dancing with DT)
Unconvincingly on horseback (dancing with DT)
Rolling out your Potter tongue now (dancing with DT)
With his Dad, in a kitchen (dancing with DT)
Shaving off his beard (dancing with DT)
Looking back in anger (dancing with DT)
Taking over the asylum (dancing with DT)
Knowing he was right, every night, I'm dancing with DT...

Thursday May 11 2006
[The Scene - a London flat. Marie is pacing up and down. Suddenly the doorbell rings. With a quick glance at her hair in the mirror, she opens the door. On the step stands David Tennant.]

David: Um...hi. You called me?

[Marie, conjuring up all her will and being, manages not to faint. Instead she smiles at David and stands aside.]

Marie: Ah yes. Please come in.

[He comes in and she shuts the door, mumbling incoherently, "Bowl of sugar..." She leads him to the kitchen and indicates a chair. He sits in it.]

David: [Nervously.] Look, what's going on? I don't know you. Why did you ask me to come round? You said it was a dire emergency...

Marie: [Sitting down facing him.] Hmm? Oh yes, I did, didn't I? Right. Well Doc - I mean David, I've been thinking a lot about this, and I've reached a conclusion, and it's only fair to let you know after all. [Beat.] I think we should get married.

David: *What*???

Marie: Now wait a moment before freaking out, just think about this; I think we're perfect for each other. I mean, I'm an up-and-coming writer, so when I get started I could write your Who scripts for you! We'd be a team! And I'm exactly the right age for you,'re gorgeous, and you could fight off the cybermen for me...or not. Well, you could put up the shelves, at least.

David: [Freaked out.] Look, um...Marie, I'm very flattered, but I'm afraid I've already got a girlfriend.

Marie: [Darkly.] Ah...Sophia.

David: Yeaahh...

Marie: Hmm.

[She leans across and opens another door, and with one hand pulls a confused Lisa out.

Lisa: Marie, what...? [She sees David.] BLOODY HELL!

Marie: This is Lisa. You could marry Lisa instead!

David: Umm...

Lisa: And what about that minor inconvenience of Cloud, Marie?

Marie: [Sotto voce.] Easily disposed of.

Lisa: Excuse me??

Marie: I said nothing...

[A door bangs somewhere. They both look up and see that David is gone. Marie sighs.]

Marie: Damn, so close...

[Suddenly with a thud and a gasp, Rosby tumbles out of the cupboard underneath the sink.]

Rosby: Gagh! Bloody hell; you need to clean under there, Marie! So, is it an all-go?

Lisa: I'm afraid not. We did try.

Rosby: [Disappointed.] Aww...

Marie: I suppose I should be grateful, really. I mean, we cannot always have what we want, even if we do try...a bit too hard. Sometimes it's better to have a goal rather than an instant solution. And plus, Sophia is a lucky, lucky girl. She deserves him. I'll just carry on watching Doctor Who and doing the standard drooling...

[Long pause. Then...]

Rosby: Have you tried Jake Gyllenhaal?

Any missing material you may have saved in a non-blog form (or if there is stuff I just haven't linked to), please let me know so I can make this the full Rosby/Marie archive of Tennant-related amusement.


UPDATED 15 October 2006
Rosby sent me this link and as it's in Marie's comments I'm keeping it here!

Friday 13 October 2006
Re: The David Tennant naked autograph thing...

[The Scene - a gym changing room; David is just drying his hair. The door opens and Marie strides in.]

Marie: Excuse me, I was wondering...[sees his state of undress] WHOA!

[David grabs for a towel to cover himself.]

David: What the hell are you doing??? This is the men's changing room!

[Marie opens her mouth several times, but nothing comes out of it.]

David: *Well*??

Marie: [Recovering slightly] Oh...oh God, sorry, sorry to barge in on you like this. I mean, you're and bedraggled...[observes this appreciateively]

David: [Peeved] What do you want?

Marie: [Meek] Just an autograph. Please? To Marie, lots of love David.

David: [Taking the offered piece of paper.] Fine...[he starts to write, then looks back up at her] Phillips? Marie Phillips?

Marie: Yes! How did you know?

David: Oh my God! It's *you*! Oh, I've wanted to meet you for a while, trust me. I've read all about your new book, and I've read about you in the papers, it's "Gods Behaving Badly", isn't it?

Marie: Well...yes, that's what it's called.

David: Listen, would you...would you like to go out for a drink sometime?

Marie: Yes! I...wait, hang on. Are you only asking me because you know who I am now?

David: Well, kinda...

Marie: Well in that case, no no no! All those times I've been dying to meet you in a situation like this, and all those times I've followed you home and stood outside your flat...

[David backs away slightly.]

Marie: OK, scratch that. But *now* I'm famous, and *now* I'm successful, you want to go out with me? Well I'm sorry, Mr Tennant, but the answer is no.

[She storms out, leaving David staring sadly, and wistfully back at the door. A mere thirty seconds later, the door bangs open.]

David: Changed your mind?

Marie: Oh, God yes!

[She pulls him to her and they kiss as if there's no tomorrow. Unbidden, the towel falls to the floor. Fade to black.]

I don't mean to say that he's THAT shallow; I just haven't written a scenario in a while...
Rosby | Homepage | 10.13.06 - 7:28 pm | #

UPDATED 17 October 2006:
Following Marie's dream, and the revelation of Dr Who shaped bubble bath containers I added the following comment

Quick, someone run to Boots and get that bubble bath quick!!!

Marie Phillips, soon to be published author, today had to be rescued from a street-filling bubble bath explosion. Fire services noted that they had never seen quite so many bubbles before in their life, but were a little confused why she was taking the bath at her friend's flat. The bubble explosion was caused by her absent-mindedly adding all 45 Doctor Who bubble bath bottles, kindly purchased for her by her blog friends, to her bath simultaneously. She was - coincidentally - rescued from the excess bubbles by nearby tenant David Tennant who emerged from the suds with a supporting arm around her. Soaking wet and with soapy clothes clinging to him, Mr Tennant professed he was a little baffled by the banners held across the street saying "just one more bottle should do it!", but Ms Phillips reassured him that she'd be fine next time if he wouldn't mind helping her manage her urges with the bubble bath.

"I'm sure I can help out" he winked...

In case you haven't guessed I've had a bad day at work and needed some venting distraction. Must be all that time I spend with you and Rosby...
Rullsenberg | Homepage | 10.16.06 - 1:03 pm | #


Rosby said...

Lisa, you have *far* much free time, if you don't mind me saying. But well done anyway!

Although I do think you've missed the very first one I ever wrote...I'll have to try and find it.

Lisa Rullsenberg said...

Free time! Free time! I'm sat here on a SUNDAY writing reports for work. ARGH! I feel like I'm back at school moaning about homework! Mind, in common with someone in that position I do enjoy getting distracted by my friends emailing me screen captures from things like Casanova, Doctor Who and Harry Potter... I am psychologically clearly 15 years old. Just the way I always want it to be.

And yeah, there is at least one missing bit of Rosby Genius (TM).

Marie said...

Am getting the warm fuzzies just looking at that. Happy times...

Promise to have a trawl around the Haloscan vaults as soon as I have time. Have been working over the weekend (and for the next few days) so not much access to the pooter. Will let you know what I find asap.