In bed, Sunday morning, still asleep.
Phone rings: years of having to run and answer the phone to the ageing pa has left me unable to leave a phone ringing without running to answer it. Unfortunately, when we had storms a few weeks ago, our extension cable blew that powers the phone upstairs. So down the stairs I fly, scarcely awake.
And in picking up the phone proceeded to knock myself in the eye with the handset as I blearedly tried to not drop it or let it ring too long before kicking to the answerphone.
Great: so now I'm tired, startled from sleep and a formerly protruding vein just beneath my eye has now been caught, is swelling and bleeding slightly.
Now is not a good time to open with this line:
"Is that Mrs. X?" (X being the badly chosen nomdeplum for Cloud's surname)ARGHHH!
Usually this indicates a cold calling error, but there is no suspiciously long pause before the voice kicks in so maybe it's more genuine.
Deep breath, still disorientated from hitting myself in the eye (was I subconsiously reliving Fight Club, which we had watched the other night?)
"No, but can I ask who it is calling?"Throw on clothes decent enough to go round next door, still dizzy from hit in the eye. Turns out door was open, care visitor/neighbour was already there, and apart from neighbour needing a bit of a hug, kiss, clean-up of blood and reassurance that she wouldn't be in trouble for falling over there was little for me to do (though she was grateful bless her for those things). Ambulance people came not long after and I staggered home.
"So this isn't Mrs Roberts?"
"Can I ask who it is calling?"
"We're the ambulance control centre. It's regarding Mrs Y - we have her next door neighbours as key holders"
"Well, I am her next door neighbour. What's happened?"
"But you're not Mrs X?"
"No, but I am the key holder who lives next door. What's happened?"
"So you live on the other side of Mr and Mrs X?"
"No, I live with Mr X: what's happened? What do you need me to do?"
"So who are you if you're not Mrs X?"
"If it is possible to grasp this, two people live together who are not Mr and Mrs X: now can you tell me what's happened?!"
"She's had a fall and we wanted you to check that she has been able to open the front door because the ambulance is on its way."
Maybe it would just be easier to take Tyler's approach to answering the phone and just 1471/answer-machine every incoming call.