Something along these lines turned up in my mailbox some time ago. As my brain is fried mush from working on reports till 2am, I'm taking a "time-out" at the office to sort paperwork, clea my email junk out and tidy my network drive files. Still have umpteen students to see as well, but thought this worth posting.
Friend, when you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile... I'll know you finally got a shag.
When you are scared... I will take the piss every chance I get.
When you are in a bad mood... I will lightly poke you in the ribs and call you amusing names
When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to shut up.
When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to you.
When you are sick... stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want to catch it.
When you fall... I will point and laugh at you.
This is my oath... I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!
PS. A friend will help you move house. A really good friend will help you move a body.