Ewan MacGregor’s opening speech in the new Star Wars:
Choose the force. Choose a side, Choose a jedi knight,
Choose a teacher,
Choose a fuckin’ big death star,
Choose star destroyers, blasters,tie-fighters and a light sabre.
Choose a black suit, black helmet and boots.
Choose a loan from Jabba the Hut.
Choose a philosophy.
Choose an Emperor.
Choose a planet with matching moon.
Choose a three planet system in the Dromoda system and fuckin’ enslave them.
Choose the Rebels and wondering who the fuck you are, kneeling by the Emperor on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting next to that Emperor watching whole planets being enslaved in mind-controlling, force-crushing battles, stuffing fuckin’ replacement parts into your body.
Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable death star, nothing more than a dictator to the selfish, evil fucked up brats who fight for you.
Choose a future.
Choose the Force.
I chose not to choose the Force.
I chose something else - I chose the Dark Side
Okay, so it doesn't make sense if you know that Ewan is really goodie-two-shoes Alec Guinness in the role that should have been played by Eddie Izzard, but it's a nice spoof on the well-known speech. I wish I had the Photoshop skills to please the Pulp Movies blog with a poster in the style of.