Random reflections on culture, life and the Universe.
Warning: will regularly include Scottish actors.
'Hey, this is a job for a grown-up. How do I come to be doing it?' OH, L, come on, I'm sure you know what you are doing.
Yeah but self-doubt is a core part of my personality. Stupid but true. I spent much of the time writing the PhD sobbing "they're going to find me out, that I'm a fraud!" Its how me - and seemingly the rest of the 70% of the population - see ourselves.
I'm in the middle of an education module about Southern Africa run by Unite with the help of some academics who work with the ILO etc, linked to the Unite/ACTSA "Africa Matters" campaign. Last Thursday I submnitted my first essay, which is the first academic writing I've had to do for 15 years. I was convinced I'd screwed it all up, got the level wrong, not footnoted properly.... However my tutor seems to have liked it. I expect my next one will be rubbish though....I feel the same way about my trade union work ("wouldn't they be better off with a real trade unionist?"). Funnily enough when it comes to my core professional skills - program design, and especially testing and debugging - I have no self-doubt at all: if there are bugs in there I'll find them and remove them. (Mind you, I have been doing it for thirty years now.) Maybe you have a safe zone like that somewhere in your work?
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