Thursday, March 09, 2006

Rules for Dogs and Cats

Hee: I know this sort of thing comes round regular, but I did find this amusing.
Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's behind. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
1 They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Now what I want to know is, why do animals insist on chasing/racing you when you leave the room?

4 comments:

Jo said...

Brilliant!

why do animals insist on chasing/racing you when you leave the room?

It's a game, It's always a game. Life is a big game and lucky you! your house is the main field...

Bloggers4Labour said...

Aw, that's so sweet...a pet/blogging classic.

Andrew said...

"For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom."

If there were one fact I could teach them, this would be it :-)

JamesZ said...

I think I read in an article in the Guardian once that owning a cat and a dog was a perfect equilibrium - a dog to look up to you and a cat to look down on you! From experience both are brilliant pets, but I think cats are so great for their independence of mind!